Dangerous

On Thursday mornings I have the opportunity to walk with a group of women who pray silently as they move their feet. I have only attended this walking prayer group once before this Thursday. This Thursday I was convicted that I needed to go. It sounded windy and cold outside and I didn't want to and so I said "Are you sure? It sounds yucky out there." But the conviction stayed so I got up, early. God wanted to meet me there. I had expectation therefore of some great word, but received only two...move and look. What those mean exactly I don't know yet, but I acted upon them to the best of my ability. One as a confirmation of something I have been hearing for a few years and one as a prod to action. We'll see if I'm hearing correctly or not by the outcome.

During this walk I also felt led to pray what my church has been calling "the dangerous prayer;" "Lord, do with me what you want, when you want, where you want." Immediately after praying it God led me to understand that it isn't dangerous. First, because we are just acknowledging what God can do anyway. He created us, we are His to do with as He pleases. He does not need our permission to do anything with us. We have been bought with a price. We are no longer our own. We are slaves to the Most High. By praying that we are really just agreeing to particpate with Him in His plans for us. Second, because He loves us and will be with us through whatever comes into this life. It is not a guarantee that we will be free from pain, but pain is not always a bad thing. I have heard that the yoke of Christ is grace, which I don't doubt is a part of it. But I think the big, heavy, on the neck of the oxen part is obedience. Obedience isn't always easy, but it is always good. Good because the One we are to be obedient to is good and He has good things planned for us; even if we don't get them in this part of eternity we will get them in heaven.

Starting School

Labor Day was our first day of school. I love that I can set when we start according what works best in our schedule. I have chosen to start on Labor Day mainly so I don't forget when to start, which would be more and more typical.

This year Laina is doing pre-school, so there are still a few bugs to work out with divided attention. Kaleb doesn't much like to work on his own yet and Laina can't. With practice it will improve I'm sure, mostly on my end. Laina is learning to write and working on other basic skills, most of which she already has mastered. Good just to make sure. It has been interesting with her that she has learned to recognize letters by writing them. She already can write her name, and usually does often on any drawing she's working on, and can write Kaleb's name too. It is interesting when their skill level exceeds their cognitive ability. I must watch that I don't push her too hard.

I was a bit concerned that I might have chosen too hard a reading program for Kaleb. He has to sound out many of the words so far and it is a second grade level and he is in first grade. God reminded me though that last year when he was learning to read we would go over some of the new words before we encountered them in the story. I have tried that this week and it is going much better. He doesn't dread it so much and it doesn't take so long.

Both the kids have enjoyed working lately. They help bring the cows into the barn, feed calves and Kaleb enjoys scraping the manure out of the barn. I also love that about homeschooling. They have plenty of time to do what they love outside of school.

Pictures

It has been a while since I have posted pictures. Thus I decided today would be the day!

Laina with her new doll house.

Blowing out the candles on her Barbie birthday cake.

Ryan and the kids in the tree house at my parents' cabin.

Cooling off in a water tank on a hot summer day.

Another Birthday

Laina turned four today and I am struck by how fast she grows up. Overstated I know, but truth as well. I remember when my kids were just babies that sometimes I would be thankful that they were still alive. A strange thought I know, but I couldn't believe that I had somehow managed to care for them well enough that they were still breathing and growing and learning. They were so fragile and dependent. It amazed me.

I fear I have frittered away time with them, even now as I sit here writing this I could be playing Barbies or cars or Barbies in cars. How much time is too much? Do they feel loved? Do they know how precious they are? Do they know how much I enjoy them? Is just telling them these things enough or do they need to "hear" it in another way?

I have been saying for years that life is harder than I thought and the same can be said for parenting. Sure I can do my best to keep my kids alive and safe, but how do I help them thrive? How do I figure out the way they should go so we can train them up in it, so they will not depart from it? Do I really need to know this stuff or do I just need to live? Thank God that He is a good Father who gives good gifts. That He can redeem the mistakes we have made and will make in raising these sweet beings. Make us more and more like you Jesus...please.

May

I am finally the owner of a digital camera. I am not one who likes to settle, so I waited until the kind of digital I wanted was within reach. I really like it; especially that I don't have to get film developed before I can post pictures online. You will be seeing more pictures from me, I tell ya.

Another exciting development is that while I was visiting my family my husband bought me a horse. She is just what I wanted, as I would have had a hard time settling for less (see above), a gray mare. Last night we finally agreed on the name Anabel, which means lovable. She really is. She is two years old and loves to be petted and talked to. She is great. Here is a picture of her.

She leads really well too. She is not broke yet, but hopefully that will be arranged soon. Ryan was shocked by how much I love her, as I am not very fond of animals. I must confess, sometimes she scares me a little because I am reminded that if she wanted to she could really hurt me and there is nothing I could do about it. Makes a person feel small and out of control. It is a blessing that she is so gentle.

Finally, we have about four weeks left of school, which is about what I was shooting for. I want to go as close to year-around as I can because then the kids retain the information better. We need a break though, so beginning to middle of July should be just right as we won't start again until Labor Day. We are both really enjoying school, well I don't enjoy the science experiment part so much. If he wasn't homeschooled, I would have a hard time even helping Kaleb with his school work because I wouldn't know how the teacher was teaching it. I would fear choosing a different method and confusing the poor boy. I also like that we can tie school into all kinds of things because I'm intimately familiar with what he is learning about right now. This most definately was the right choice for us.

Called Out

I recently finished one of those books that calls you out, that makes you think about how you are living and what you are living for. Specifically, am I living for Christ in the light of eternity or am I living for today with only this world in mind. I have been convicted that I am living for today. It seems that so much of my life is spent thinking about the things of this world and not on what I can do to help others experience the Kingdom. Then life becomes very small.

My question now is, what next? What can I do in this season of my life and what am I called to do? First, I know I am called to spend more time with Jesus. I cannot remember the last time I had a truely quiet time with Him, where I was unfettered by time. I so miss that about being single and childless. So, this in itself presents some challenges. I am going to have to seriously look at my life and set aside time to focus on Christ. Since I am not a morning person, I think this may be at night when everyone else is in bed. I also like that it is actually the start of the day, in biblical understanding. Their days started in the evening, not the morning.

Secondly, I believe I have been called to purge myself of stuff. So much time is spent caring for stuff and desiring stuff that could be free. Free, my friend. I long for freedom, and I believe stuff chains us. I would like to sell these things that bind and use the money for a good cause, but am still thinking and praying about how that might work out.

Thirdly, I need to keep remembering that I am not my own, I was bought with a price. I hear people say that salvation is free. It is and it isn't. Yes, all you have to do is accept it. It is a gift. But along with that gift is the price of your life. You are no longer to be about you, you are to be about Christ. You must die. The beautiful grace in this is that God gives us the desire and strength to make this more and more real in our lives. "My yoke is easy and my burden is light," Jesus says and many are encouraged by these words. I too am encouraged. God revealed to me this week that while Christ's yoke and burden are easy, they still exist. All our cares and troubles do not magically disappear. They are just lightened because we have the Creator of the universe to share them with.

Just in case you are interested in reading a good book, Crazy Love by Francis Chan is one I highly recommend.

A Poem...still untitled

Bring me to the desert, Lord,
Where all is stripped away.
Bring me to the desert, Lord,
And there, Lord, have Your way.

Take away the things that cloud
And hide my view of You.
Refine my heart, my dreams, my mind
So Your glory can shine through.

Bring me to the desert. Lord,
Make my purpose be renewed.
Bring me to the desert, Lord,
Let me catch a glimpse of You.

Increase Your presence in this life,
Let Your love come blazing through.
Bring me to the desert, Lord,
Make me more and more like You.

Poison

I am coming late to the party, I know, but I'm just wondering why exactly the government thinks it a good idea to FORCE the FREE citizens of the United States to buy poisonous lightbulbs. So many things are wrong with this, and maybe I'm just being picky, but really it is more like the last straw. Why in the world would the government feel it is it's provence to dictate what kind of lightbulbs we use? Not only that, but did you know that those same lightbulbs are poisonous if they break? Hazardous waste in fact. They contain mercury at about four times the level of that found in a can of tuna, which California (a very liberal state I know) has forced producers to label with warnings about containing mercury and the danger it poses to your health. Again, why is it such a great idea to put these in our homes where our children play? I'm conviced that if the commercials and information about these bulbs was more unbiased people would be outraged that our government is exposing us to toxic chemicals. Check out this story by NPR and you tell me if it is balanced: www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyid=7431198.

For instance, did you know that many states require you to dispose of CFL bulbs at a hazardous waste facility? You cannot just throw them into your trashcan. How many people know that and know where to dispose of them? Does this mean that we are contaminating our soils? Did you know that if they break you have to clear the room and maybe even the house for at least 15 minutes? How exactly do you know if 15 minutes is enough time? Did you know that if they should happen to break and fall on your clothes or your bedspread you cannot just put them into the washer. You will contaminate the sewers and water! Apparently they just have to be thrown away and you will have to do without that item or buy another. Did you know that should the CFL break onto your carpet you have to shut off the central air/heat and open in a window the next few times you vacuum? SERIOUSLY? If you would like more information about the clean-up you can look here http://www.energystar.gov/index.cfm?c=cfls.pr_cfls_mercury.

I also would like to push back on the contention that CFLs last longer than ordinary lightbulbs. I have had the same regular lightbulbs in many of my light fixtures since I moved into this house six years ago.

I think CFLs have their place in a plan to reduce energy consumption. They would work great in outside fixtures where you don't have to worry quite as much about the cleanup and exposure. Inside they are not safe.

It is interesting to me that we are so concerned about products we buy containing lead...rightly so. It too is toxic. Why are we allowing the government to REQUIRE us to put poison in our homes? Just asking.